Zombie Survival Tip 5

Having two performances in two days, as well as company from out of town, I am a bit behind in this blog.  For those of you loyal blog readers who have been wanting to know how to slay Zombies using everyday household objects, I have decided to put up a departure from the other Zombie Survival Tips.  In this Survival Tip, we will discuss how to make a deadly weapon that can slay both Zombie and human.  In laying out the instructions, I want to make sure that no one decides to use this on someone they hate.  If I hear on the news that someone has been slain at the hands of the Zombie Ring of Death, we will know where to look.  This Zombie Survival Tip also has a bit of the Martha Stewart handicraft feel, so it can satisfy most members of a family.

The Zombie Ring of Death uses a coat and a handful of nails and glue which can be easily be turned into a powerful weapon in the hands of any aspiring Zombie slayer.

Preparation

You will need the following items in order to construct the Zombie Ring of Death:

1 lightweight coat, preferably one that is not heavy
1 handful of roofing nails, size 1" to 1.5" inches long

1 hot glue gun
1 ruler
1 pencil

Procedure

1. Spread coat out onto a flat surface.  Be certain that the back of the coat is facing you.

2. Using the ruler, measure out and mark every two to three inches across the width of the coat.

3. Using the roofing nails, punch the nails through each of the markings.  You need to make certain that the nail goes through all the linings of the coat.

4. Using the glue gun, glue both sides where the nail goes through the coat.  Let the glue dry overnight for maximum drying power.  The inner lining should resemble a loose bed of nails.

5. Find a Zombie lurking around causing mischief and mayhem.

6. Get behind the Zombie, making certain you hold the Zombie Ring of Death by the coat sleeves so that the inner lining is facing you.

7. Throw the coat over the head of a Zombie, making certain to wrap the sleeves around the neck of the Zombie.

8. Squeeze tightly, making certain that the nails go through the Zombie's face.

To test for doneness, poke Zombie repeatedly with the ruler or a roofing  nail.  If the Zombie Ring of Death should have done its duty, then take a nearly 2x4 and smack the Zombie in the head repeatedly until truly dead.