Zombie Survival Tip 3

In this ongoing series on how the defeat the army of the undead using everyone household objects, I have been asked by several people "Can you really kill a Zombie using a toothpick or long-handled broom?" 

The answer is a resounding YES. 

Each of these Zombie Survival Tips has been throughly tested by a team of researchers who have devoted their lives to making certain that John Q. Public is prepared in case of Zombie attack.

Their latest suggestion utilizes a bananna, a frying pan, and a pound of bacon.

Preparation:

Gather together the following household items:

1 ripened bananna (Be certain that it is not too mushy)

1 regular frying pan (Avoid cast iron because they tend to be too heavy to swing properly)

1-3 pounds of freshly cut bacon (Our testers liked the thick sliced peppered bacon for this tip, but any bacon will do.  It must be as fresh as possible.  Zombies go organic; they have an aversion to food preservatives)


Procedure:

1. Rub bacon slices over the opening of a well, doorway to a basement, or elevator doors.  Be certain to rub the fatty part of the bacon over doorway liberally.  If you save bacon grease, you could also use that as well.

2. Lay a bacon trail from the opening of a well, doorway to a basement, or elevatror doors 100 to 500 feet from where the Zombie will first pick up the scent of the meat.

3. When the Zombie investigates the bacon, being lured by the smell of the raw meat, wait until the Zombie is near the well opening, doorway to a stairs, and elevator doors.

4. Open the covering to the well, doorway to a basement, or elevator doors.

5. With the frying pan, swing it wildly being certain that it connects with the back of the Zombie's head.

6. Watch with glee as the Zombie falls down the well, or down the stairs (several flights are preferably), or down the elevator shaft.

7. Congratulate yourself on being clever by eating the ripened bananna.  You've deserved a treat after facing the army of the undead. Be certain that your Zombie was not walking around with a pair.  Like nuns, Zombies often come in pairs.