Many people ask themselves--How can I best survive a Zombie outbreak with the everyday objects they have in their house? In order to do this, follow the instructions below for the best way to outwit a Zombie with a pocket handkerchief and a ordinary broom
Preparation:
You need the following items in order to defend yourself against a Zombie outbreak.
1 pocket handkerchief, preferably one that has not been used (It prevents quick unfurling)
1 super absorbant tissue (The brand does not matter, so long as the tissue has not been used.)
1 long-handled broom
Procedure:
1. Get a Zombie to come close to you.
2. Throw the pocket handkerchief or super absorbant tissue directly into their face.
3. Being startled, the Zombie will react to remove the offending handkerchief.
4. As the Zombie tries to remove the handkerchief, use the broom to either
a. Kick the Zombie in the groin area, or
b. Push the Zombie down the nearest staircase or exposed well
(It may do to find a well before you try this survival tip)
5. Zombie will either react to the attack or be disabled by the fall.
If the Zombie is not incapacitated by the attack, then jab the end of the long-handled broom into Zombie's eye. It may help to sharpen the end of the broom to aid in this step.
To test for doneness, poke Zombie several times in the mid section to see if it is really dead dead, not living dead.
Repeat these steps as often as needed to incapacitate as many Zombies as you can.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Fringe Preview and Tech Rehearsal
We are only one day and a handful of hours away from the opening of Tainted Love and things are shaping up nicely. Our Tech Rehearsal went well, as all of the Zombies of the Z.Q.Z. (Zombie Quarantine Zone) were finally in place and being their scary selves. Our Zombies of the Z.Q.Z. have embraced their undead status and have really run with it. I have never seen so much hanging flesh or dripping blood on a Fringe cast; it is going to be a trip.
Chris Dooley (Steve) and Derek Evans (Tyler) participated in the Fringe Preview last night showing a scene from the middle part of the show. They did a really nice job. They captured the spirit of Tainted Love without giving away too many plot points.
I can't wait until tomorrow for the opening of the show. The curtain rises on 8:45 pm on Friday, June 1st at the Fringe theater at 1425 Main Street. If you are wanting to get tickets, I would suggest ordering them ahead of time. It looks like we might sell out of our first show. Added to the fact that 1425 Main Street is a smaller venue, this is all the more reason to avoid disappiontment and regret for years to come. You can contact the Fringe Festival Box Office by calling them at 513.300.5669 (KNOW),getting online at http://www.cincyfringe.com/, or going there in person at 1120 Jackson Street.
Take care gentle blog readers. You only have a handful of hours left before the streets of Cincinnati become overrun by the living dead. I have heard rumors of them running amock in Dayton, so they must be marching their way down I-75. They should reach the downtown area tomorrow at approximately 8:45 pm. Be certain to stock up on water and food and that you stay inside the safety of the theater in 1425 Main Street.
We can take care of the Zombie outbreak and ease any fears you may have of joining the ranks of the walking dead.
Alan
Chris Dooley (Steve) and Derek Evans (Tyler) participated in the Fringe Preview last night showing a scene from the middle part of the show. They did a really nice job. They captured the spirit of Tainted Love without giving away too many plot points.
I can't wait until tomorrow for the opening of the show. The curtain rises on 8:45 pm on Friday, June 1st at the Fringe theater at 1425 Main Street. If you are wanting to get tickets, I would suggest ordering them ahead of time. It looks like we might sell out of our first show. Added to the fact that 1425 Main Street is a smaller venue, this is all the more reason to avoid disappiontment and regret for years to come. You can contact the Fringe Festival Box Office by calling them at 513.300.5669 (KNOW),getting online at http://www.cincyfringe.com/, or going there in person at 1120 Jackson Street.
Take care gentle blog readers. You only have a handful of hours left before the streets of Cincinnati become overrun by the living dead. I have heard rumors of them running amock in Dayton, so they must be marching their way down I-75. They should reach the downtown area tomorrow at approximately 8:45 pm. Be certain to stock up on water and food and that you stay inside the safety of the theater in 1425 Main Street.
We can take care of the Zombie outbreak and ease any fears you may have of joining the ranks of the walking dead.
Alan
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Zombie Survival Tip 1
On this blog, I also want to impart a bit of wisdom on handling yourself during a Zombie outbreak. With the next outbreak happening so soon, the average citizen needs to be on their guard and find ways of defending themselves against a Zombie should one happen to end up in their back yard.
This Zombie Survival Tip will explain how you can defeat a Zombie using only a can of hairspray, a lighter, and a toothpick. Follow the steps below in order to protect yourself from the living dead.
Preparation:
Have the following items at the ready
1 aerosol can of hairspray (the cheaper the better)
1 standard cigarette lighter
1 toothpick (Make certain toothpick is pointy)
Procedure:
1. Identify the Zombie you want to kill.
2. Distract the Zombie with some remark, such as "Hey you're looking piqued? Have you eaten a human today?"
3. While the Zombie is trying to figure out what you are saying, jab the toothpick straight into the Zombie's eye. Watch out for blood, pus, and vitreous humor as the eye gives way.
4. As the Zombie stumbles around not knowing what is in its eye, take the hairspray and aim it at the Zombie's face.
5. Spray the can of hairspray directly into Zombie's face, while positioning the lighter underneath the aerosol spray.
6. You've created a homemade flamethrower. Be certain to spray liberally all around the face, neck, and chest area.
7. Run for cover because the Zombie is going to stumble around before finally getting burned up. Zombies have not learned the basics of fire safety--Stop, Drop, and Roll.
8. Once the Zombie is toasty, check for doneness by extracting the toothpick from the Zombie's eye and poking around the mid section. A toothpick should go through a roasted Zombie with a minimum amount of effort.
9. Repeat as often as needed. You may want to change toothpicks during Zombie strikes owing to the sticky nature of Zombie eye fluid.
This Zombie Survival Tip will explain how you can defeat a Zombie using only a can of hairspray, a lighter, and a toothpick. Follow the steps below in order to protect yourself from the living dead.
Preparation:
Have the following items at the ready
1 aerosol can of hairspray (the cheaper the better)
1 standard cigarette lighter
1 toothpick (Make certain toothpick is pointy)
Procedure:
1. Identify the Zombie you want to kill.
2. Distract the Zombie with some remark, such as "Hey you're looking piqued? Have you eaten a human today?"
3. While the Zombie is trying to figure out what you are saying, jab the toothpick straight into the Zombie's eye. Watch out for blood, pus, and vitreous humor as the eye gives way.
4. As the Zombie stumbles around not knowing what is in its eye, take the hairspray and aim it at the Zombie's face.
5. Spray the can of hairspray directly into Zombie's face, while positioning the lighter underneath the aerosol spray.
6. You've created a homemade flamethrower. Be certain to spray liberally all around the face, neck, and chest area.
7. Run for cover because the Zombie is going to stumble around before finally getting burned up. Zombies have not learned the basics of fire safety--Stop, Drop, and Roll.
8. Once the Zombie is toasty, check for doneness by extracting the toothpick from the Zombie's eye and poking around the mid section. A toothpick should go through a roasted Zombie with a minimum amount of effort.
9. Repeat as often as needed. You may want to change toothpicks during Zombie strikes owing to the sticky nature of Zombie eye fluid.
The Origins of Tainted Love
The play Tainted Love is an adaptation of a short story of the same name published in the Zombie anthology New Dawn Fades by Post Mortem Press. A friend of mine, Jeff Suess, sent me the call for submissions and the topic really intrigued me. Post Mortem Press was asking for stories which explored the effects of dealing with the loss of a loved one who dies at the hands of a Zombie or becomes a Zombie. I liked the idea of exploring the human dimension to something that seems so inherently inhuman, so I decided to try my hand at writing a story for this project.
Because of my ties to theater, I initially conceived the piece as an extended monologue that could theoretically be spoken by a lone actor. (I am certain that Chris Dooley, the actor who plays the lead Steve, is glad I did not take that route. It would have made his job a lot more difficult). I decided to turn sections of the story into actual scenes after hearing John Patrick Shanley explain his process for turning his play Doubt into an opera. Shanley said that he wanted to explore what the medium of opera can so to add to the story. I decided to follow his lead and began exploring what the realm of the stage could do to bring to life different elements of the story.
In turning this short story into a play, I got a chance to explore the character of Steve more thoroughly. I did not specify his job within the original story, so I gave him one that is in keeping with a Cincinnati Fringe show (You'll have to see the show to find out what that job might be). I also had a chance to explore the character of Tyler, the researcher looking for a cure for Virus-86 which causes Zombiodal state. In the short story, he was an exposition driver who explained to Steve everything about how Zombie's operate. I was able to flesh him out considerably and made him into a character in his own right. Tyler gets off easy in this play and I have been thinking of writing a sequel to the short story Tainted Love in which his flight to meet his wife Marie in Kansas City crashes and he has to hack his way (literally) through a sea of the living dead in order to get to his beloved Marie. As Tyler himself tells Steve, when you are life becomes a Zombie movie, “no one comes out alive—or at least not without some serious scars."
In closing, I found it an interesting experience adapting a short story into a play. It allowed me the freedom to dig deeper into characters because I knew what was going to happen to them.
Because of my ties to theater, I initially conceived the piece as an extended monologue that could theoretically be spoken by a lone actor. (I am certain that Chris Dooley, the actor who plays the lead Steve, is glad I did not take that route. It would have made his job a lot more difficult). I decided to turn sections of the story into actual scenes after hearing John Patrick Shanley explain his process for turning his play Doubt into an opera. Shanley said that he wanted to explore what the medium of opera can so to add to the story. I decided to follow his lead and began exploring what the realm of the stage could do to bring to life different elements of the story.
In turning this short story into a play, I got a chance to explore the character of Steve more thoroughly. I did not specify his job within the original story, so I gave him one that is in keeping with a Cincinnati Fringe show (You'll have to see the show to find out what that job might be). I also had a chance to explore the character of Tyler, the researcher looking for a cure for Virus-86 which causes Zombiodal state. In the short story, he was an exposition driver who explained to Steve everything about how Zombie's operate. I was able to flesh him out considerably and made him into a character in his own right. Tyler gets off easy in this play and I have been thinking of writing a sequel to the short story Tainted Love in which his flight to meet his wife Marie in Kansas City crashes and he has to hack his way (literally) through a sea of the living dead in order to get to his beloved Marie. As Tyler himself tells Steve, when you are life becomes a Zombie movie, “no one comes out alive—or at least not without some serious scars."
In closing, I found it an interesting experience adapting a short story into a play. It allowed me the freedom to dig deeper into characters because I knew what was going to happen to them.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Welcome to Tainted Love
Welcome to the Tainted Love: A Zombie-Human Love Story Blog. This will be your clearninghouse for everything related to the play Tainted Love, including show information, reviews, insider exclusives, and everything you ever wanted to know about Zombies (but were afraid to ask).
Check here often for information or subscribe to this blog to get regular updates on the show. The subscription blog is on the bottom of the right hand side of the blog.
Enjoy!
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