Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Zombie Survival Tip 1

On this blog, I also want to impart a bit of wisdom on handling yourself during a Zombie outbreak.  With the next outbreak happening so soon, the average citizen needs to be on their guard and find ways of defending themselves against a Zombie should one happen to end up in their back yard.

This Zombie Survival Tip will explain how you can defeat a Zombie using only a can of hairspray, a lighter, and a toothpick.  Follow the steps below in order to protect yourself from the living dead.

Preparation:

Have the following items at the ready

1 aerosol can of hairspray (the cheaper the better)
1 standard cigarette lighter
1 toothpick (Make certain toothpick is pointy)

Procedure:

1. Identify the Zombie you want to kill.

2. Distract the Zombie with some remark, such as "Hey you're looking piqued?  Have you eaten a human today?"

3. While the Zombie is trying to figure out what you are saying, jab the toothpick straight into the Zombie's eye.  Watch out for blood, pus, and vitreous humor as the eye gives way.

4. As the Zombie stumbles around not knowing what is in its eye, take the hairspray and aim it at the Zombie's face.

5. Spray the can of hairspray directly into Zombie's face, while positioning the lighter underneath the aerosol spray.

6. You've created a homemade flamethrower.  Be certain to spray liberally all around the face, neck, and chest area.

7. Run for cover because the Zombie is going to stumble around before finally getting burned up.  Zombies have not learned the basics of fire safety--Stop, Drop, and Roll.

8. Once the Zombie is toasty, check for doneness by extracting the toothpick from the Zombie's eye and poking around the mid section.  A toothpick should go through a roasted Zombie with a minimum amount of effort.

9. Repeat as often as needed.  You may want to change toothpicks during Zombie strikes owing to the sticky nature of Zombie eye fluid.

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